Motherhood

Thoughts on Motherhood

All I ever really wanted most to be was a mother. With any other interest, talent, or desire that I’ve had, motherhood was the greatest desire of my heart. I’m so glad that God granted me this blessing, with six children of my own and other children whom I’ve taught and who have taught and blessed me. It is a privilege and an honor.

Here I am with my firstborn. Now she is ready to deliver her firstborn very soon. How grandchildren bless our lives! George will be our fifth grandchild and second grandson. 

This weekend marks the first Mother’s Day with my own mother departed from this earth. I am so thankful for her love and example to me, and I am thankful for my grandmothers and their love and support throughout my life. I am also thankful for my dear mother-in-law and her accepting me as her own with great love and cheerfulness. And I’m thankful for my husband’s grandmothers as well. How I miss every single one of these mothers.

I had the greatest privilege of serving my mother in her last days here on earth. I enjoyed her mothering then as always, and in the moments when the roles reversed a little, I was thankful to serve the woman who had always so selflessly done everything for me and who continues to be a blessing to me every moment of my life.

I am also thankful for my sisters and the part that they have played in loving and mothering me. I miss them too. Fortunately, I can still call and visit two of them. The other one I visit in memory, love, and tears.

I am also blessed with three beautiful talented daughters. They are all contributing to the blessings of motherhood according to the time frames of their own lives and their individual talents in significant ways. I also have two beautiful daughters-in-law who are wonderful mothers. It pleases me and warms my heart to see the rising generation full of love and service for children and their fellow men. My sons are also a great blessing to their own children, family, and friends; and they value and support their wives in their roles as mothers by being wonderful fathers too.

I must say how thankful I am for the Gospel of Jesus Christ which has everything to do with families; and I am thankful for the role that motherhood plays in unfolding God’s Plan of Salvation for His children. How blessed we are for Mother Eve and the part she played in establishing the human family, and for Father Adam, with his exactness and honor in accepting the Plan and supporting Eve in her role of motherhood. I am most thankful of all for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for giving us the gift of life, and that eternally through His offering of His soul and body to save ours. Because of Him, families are forever, and motherhood is eternal.

This was of utmost significance when our son Robby returned to heaven shortly after birth. But the significance is no less diminished with each and every individual who holds a place in our hearts. God established families and gave us the privilege of participating in His glory through experiencing motherhood and fatherhood. And if these are the things which we value most, He will bless us with the privilege of the continuation of family lives forever.

Motherhood isn’t easy. There are so many challenges. But it has to be the most rewarding calling there has ever been. Inside this bosom of mine, motherhood is most precious and prized, and my children’s happiness is my greatest desire. I love being a mother.

Thanksgiving, Family, and the Great Plan of Happiness

Thanksgiving, Family, and the Great Plan of Happiness

I feel honored to be speaking on Thanksgiving week; plus, it is a privilege to be able to speak about families. In a way, I feel like I am giving my own eulogy. This talk will definitely be about my family and about the great Plan of Happiness. You may learn more about me than you wanted to know; but, I hope that what you really leave this meeting with is a greater appreciation for your own family and for our Heavenly Father’s love for us.

Bob and I were privileged to be born into Latter-day Saint homes. By this, I am not just saying that we belonged to Mormon families, but that we belonged to families who were truly trying to live the gospel. Our parents loved the Lord, and they did everything they could to serve Him and to serve their families. I know that my own parents made many sacrifices on behalf of their children, so that we could have the wonderful opportunities that they were not afforded themselves.

I believe that this love from parents to the Lord and from parents to their children extended way back in our family history. Those grandparents, close and further removed, who did not hear the restored gospel in this life or before they reared their families, still wanted to do their very best, and they still felt accountable to God. This is true for most of us here today. From our own current families back to Ephraim (or the Patriarch whose line you tie into), then to his fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; back to Noah, and on back to Adam, parents have cared for their children and wanted the best for them, and they have felt an accountability to God for their actions towards their families.

And so it is with our earthly family. We are all linked together, with Adam and Eve as our first parents. They were overjoyed when they heard the great Plan of Happiness, and they covenanted to be obedient and faithful so that the Atonement would be affective in their lives. But like Adam and Eve, all of their children have had agency. Some have followed the pattern that leads to happiness, and others have not. Satan would have us all believe that all is lost when we stray from the path, but Heavenly Father offered His Son so that nothing is lost. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His Only Begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved” (John 3:16-17).

It is important that God sent us to live in families here on earth. That is His design. We lived with Him in Heaven during our premortal life, and there He taught us our first great lessons while we lived with Him as His Spirit children. Families are central to God’s plan for our happiness, and He intends for us to seek to live happily together as families now, so that we can be worthy to live as families eternally. His grand mission statement reads as follows, “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). Eternal life is not only life with God, but it is life like God’s. We will be blessed to have eternal increase, if we enter into the obligations, ordinances, and covenants that are necessary, and if we live up to those covenants, especially in how we treat one another.

I grew up in a family with seven children. My parents were not born in the United States. They were from far different European backgrounds from one another; but, they did have the gospel in common. They were blessed with strong-willed children, and they were strong-willed as well. But they always did their best to provide a loving and happy home. That does not mean that things were perfect. I have the perspective of the middle child. Those who are middle children will know what I mean.

My sister Kathy, who was nearly three years older than me, enjoyed annoying me. I mean it; she really did. One day when I was vacuuming the family room, she kept unplugging the vacuum. To begin with, I was singing while vacuuming. But after she unplugged the vacuum a few times, I lost my temper. Her response was something like, “My, you must be having a bad day.” She never held grudges though.

My brother Ed, who was two years younger than me, had some health issues as a baby and then developed rheumatic fever when he was young. As he grew older, he was just as healthy, if not healthier than the rest of us; but, he was often babied; and I was often asked to do things for him that he should have done for himself. I resented that.

As a youngster, I can remember thinking, I’m not sure that I want our family to be together forever. I was in a hurry to grow up and get out. But as we all continued to grow, we became good friends. These two siblings have returned to heaven, and I can tell you now that I am thankful for the knowledge that I have of the Plan of Salvation. I am grateful for the Lord’s love for me that He would atone for all of us and make it so that our family is a forever family.

When you believe in the gospel plan, you must take the decision of whom to marry very seriously. You will want to marry someone who shares your values, who is equally yoked with you in your understanding of the gospel, and who will be willing to commit all that they have and are to the Lord and to you and your children. And that is why I married my dear Bobby. I knew that he loved the Lord and I knew that he loved his family and he loved me. Also, it helped that his family members were active in the church and supportive of us and our goals. These are important things to consider, since eternity is weighed in the balance.

We have been blessed with six wonderful children. They are bright and capable, and they all have a desire to do what’s right. Like their parents, they aren't perfect; but they are on the right path. Bob and I have also tried to make sacrifices for our family so that each member could progress and excel and be happy. Also, we taught our children the importance of cheering for each other and being proud of each other’s accomplishments. In a family, we should not be contestants to outdo and oust each other, but we should eagerly help and persuade each other to be his or her best.

We have had great joy in watching our children progress from stage to stage. Life is a miracle. And for God to entrust us with his precious spirits, and to give us the time and the lessons to both teach them and to learn with them is the most incredible gift. It’s beyond comprehension. We've made our mistakes, but we've also made our apologies. Isn't it a great thing that our generation as parents has been allowed to apologize to their children and not lose face, but gain more faith and trust in doing so? And since God is so quick to forgive, we should also all be quick to forgive one another.

There are trials in rearing a family. No one can escape them. While some of them are similar for all of us, some are quite different; and all of them give us opportunities for growth. Some families experience health problems; others infertility; some women miscarry many children; some children have real physical or mental or emotional or social problems. But in our own unique families, it is important for us to realize that our combination is right, and God is at the helm.

Our first daughter was born with diastrophic dysplasia. While her dwarfism may have limited some of her life’s choices, it by no means has limited her capacity to grow and excel and be happy. From her early days, she was loved and treated as a capable individual. It was hard to recognize that Cathy was ever really a baby. She has such a mature adult spirit and nature. Bob and I know that we were extra privileged to have her come to our home.

I could brag about my children one by one. But I’ll spare you that today. The main thing about seeking happiness in family life is to remember to have a good attitude. Do all the important things together, especially praying together. The church provides so much good material and direction. Don’t ignore the established program of Family Home Evening. If your little boys are throwing punches, that’s okay; at least you are all together. And they will all learn to value that time. Reread The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It truly is an amazing document of scripture, written by prophets, and inspired by God.

Our family learned in a deeply personal way that families are forever when our fifth child Robert Jr. passed away. Everyone was looking forward to the birth of this dear baby boy, but it was followed closely by his death; and his siblings did not even get to see him alive. But they felt his spirit, and they all had experiences through the power of the Holy Ghost that let them know that Robby was their brother and would be forever. How sweet to hear Eliza, so young and small herself, comforting her little brother Tommy, “You’re still a big brother, Tommy. You’ll always be a big brother.”

Now I have children all over the country. Cathy still live is SLC, Utah. John and his wife are in Florida. Eliza and her husband are in Texas. Tom is in American Fork, Utah. And Christine, are special daughter that completed our family is with us for a short time yet. We can’t all be together for every holiday anymore. But we stay close through praying for one another and talking to each other by phone, by Facebook, and by letter. It is wonderful to see our children making temple covenants and beginning forever families of their own.

When Tom and Whitney got married, Jacob was just one-year-old. Tom loved Jacob from the time he started dating Whitney. And Jacob has always loved his Daddy. It was a wonderful blessing that Jacob’s birth father allowed for Jacob to be sealed to Tom and Whitney on their wedding day. I know that the Spirit was involved in this process, and I will ever be thankful to the birth father for allowing that blessing to take place. After Tom and Whitney were married, the temple sister brought Jacob into the very full sealing room. Little Jacob had the biggest smile on his face as he looked around the entire room from one person to the next. Yes, I believe he felt the significance of that event that day. The Spirit was strong. And Jacob is our first grandchild. Currently, Tom is in the process of adopting him. We are blessed and thankful. And Jacob’s little sister Amanda will be one year’s old in a few days. What a beautiful, loving granddaughter. The titles of “Mom” and “Grandma” or “Hamma” as Jacob says, are the most important titles to me. “Wife” is right up there, too.

I am thankful for family—past, present, and future. I am thankful that God would send us to families and entrust us to have families. May we value each other and live together in love, so that we will ever be privileged to do so.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Marriage is Ordained of God

I love my family. I am thankful for a husband who loves me and tells me what a good person I am. A special thanks to my children for teaching me how to be a mom. It's taking me many years, but I'm happy with the privilege that I've been given to be yours. And even though it's taking me years, that's okay because we have the promise of Eternity.

I recently read an article somebody posted on Facebook. 

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher live in North Carolina. They have been married nearly 86 years. Zelma is 101 and Herbert is 104 (at the time of the article). For Valentine’s Day, they were willing to answer some questions about their lives together. Because of their commitment to the Lord and to each other, divorce was never an option or even a thought in their marriage. They were best friends before they married. They have done what was needed for each other and for their family. To those who are losing hope in finding a marriage partner, they said, “He/she is never too far away, so keep the faith—when you meet him, you’ll know.” The best marriage advice is to respect, support, and communicate with each other. Be faithful, honest, and true. Love each other with all of your heart. Zelmyra said that her husband is a hard worker and a good provider. He’s a good man. They looked for ways to serve each other and they celebrated each other’s successes and shared their accomplishments. They grew together. Their most important reward is their legacy of 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild. With their children grown, they enjoy visiting together on the porch. They have always remembered that God put them together on the same team to be winners. Marriage is not a contest. They learned to compromise and work together. 

In the beginning God created man and woman (See Genesis 1:27, Matthew 19:4-5). Because of agency, Adam and Eve were allowed to enter mortality and become our first parents. God ordained that they be married and that their union be blessed with children, even all the families of the earth. In Genesis 2:24 we read, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The same scripture is repeated in Matthew 19:5. Prophets today have also repeated these fundamental truths held by all former prophets in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Because they have the spirit of revelation and the testimony of Jesus Christ, they were able to foresee the dilemma that would develop in our world over the issue of traditional, God-ordained marriage. 

Adam and Eve were good, faithful people chosen by our Heavenly Father in pre-mortality to be our first parents. Like Adam and Eve, all of their children have been given agency. Agency gives us the ability to make choices within the constructs of law to which we are all subject. Agency does not give us the ability to choose the consequences which follow our choices, nor does it give us the right to alter God ordained law.

There are those who have and will call me unkind because I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. They have the sophistry of the day to support their logic. I have my testimony in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and God’s Plan of Happiness for His children. Acting superior by pretending to be magnanimous does not prove one believes in equality. True understanding must stem from having in place a deep-rooted belief system that although we are all children of God, He knows and loves us better than we do ourselves, and although He knows that obedience to His laws is what will bring us happiness, He will not personally impose discipleship. While He must certainly expect that His children also not impose obedience on each other, He most assuredly does not condone the repealing of His laws.

If the world was created, there is a Creator. If the universe is governed by law, there is a Law Giver. I believe that God is the Creator, and I believe that He is also the Law Giver. As His child and His creation, I have no power to re-create Him or to redefine His laws.

This life is a period of testing. It is a time for us to learn how to obey and to learn to walk by faith. It behooves us to do all that we can to strengthen our testimony of Jesus Christ and His gospel so that we can help others to also walk by faith. It is only through keeping the commandments that we can gain a testimony of the sacred nature of each commandment. Obedience, or faithfulness, is what produces faith. We cannot expect the faithless to understand faith without inviting them to practice the principles that lead to it. But when one truly understand the promise of the gift of Eternal Life and that it is available to all, then putting our lives in harmony with God’s laws seems like a most favorable choice. I personally am in favor of conforming my life to His will so that I can receive the promised blessings, and I also desire that my brothers and sisters be allowed this choice. We cannot pretend that it’s all right to chase fabricated rainbows for non-existent pots of gold.

Because this life is a period of testing, we all have individual trials and challenges with which we must deal. We all have our quirks; we all have our problems; we all have our temptations. While it is true that God created us initially, he did not mean for us to stay in our infant condition, nor did He create us without the ability to choose. Within us are the seeds of godhood. One of the greatest gifts we have is agency or the freedom to choose. Each day we can redefine and recreate ourselves by the choices that we make, by our thoughts and our actions. To say that we are the way we are because God made us that way seems to be more of a copout than saying the devil made me do it. But life’s challenges are difficult, and we need to be loving and kind, and forgiving of ourselves and others. We need to be patient and we need to be accepting. We need to learn to embrace our brothers and sisters without embracing the actions that we know to be wrong. If we all tried to be more loving and accepting and less judgmental and offish, the world would spin ever more nicely on its axis and follow its orbit with greater ease. To some degree, we are all recovering sinners, in need of guidance, love, and forgiveness. It would be a wonderful thing to have our chapel filled with more sinners. The Lord didn’t come to call the righteous to repentance, but the sinners (See Luke 5:31-32). Because we have agency, we can choose our own attitude each day even when our challenges seem insurmountable. The Lord is always there to help us, and His hand is stretched out still. 

Testimony of the Savior, the Plan of Salvation, and Marriage that is Ordained of God:

I know that the Savior lives and He loves me, and He loves you. He has sent His peace and His comfort to me through the power of the Holy Ghost many times. I have felt His presence with me when I have needed Him here. I know that He is with all of us when we need Him, because He atoned for each of us and He knows and loves us personally. We can take our worries and our troubles to Him (See Matthew 11:28). He will sustain us despite our sins and weaknesses. He will provide a way for our progress and our deliverance. We can and should also turn to our ecclesiastical leader so that he can offer us help and direction in our times of spiritual need. When the dark of night overtakes you, look to the source of all light, Jesus Christ. He will again carry you through to the light of day.

I know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. We have the choice and opportunity to follow God’s laws and to follow His prophets. I know that God is not a respecter of persons and that He loves us all. I know that there are actions, behaviors, and choices that the Lord cannot condone, nor can the Lord’s servants. This is not because He and His servants do not love God’s children, but it is because they do love us. They understand His great Plan of Happiness and they understand the far reaching power and effects of the Atonement. 

I know and understand that there are urges, temptations, and attractions with which many people struggle. Indeed, none of us is free from temptation in our lives. I also know that the Lord has promised us that if we are humble and we turn to Him that he will make weak things become strong unto us (See Ether 12:27). Of this I have a testimony. Some of us may struggle with the same problems and temptations our entire lifetime, but with good attitudes and faith in the Lord, the Lord will carry us through, give us hope, and help us on our journey to become like Him. He has said, “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for my yoke is easy and my burden is light and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matthew 11:28-30).

I understand that many people have struggled with same sex attraction. The problem is very real, and many are confused about the choices and eternal consequences that are available to them. I do not think that I am showing anyone great love or proper respect by making them believe that same sex relationships are acceptable. I, in essence, feel that if I were to do this, I would be denying the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Plan of Salvation and Exaltation that are made available through the Atonement. I believe the Savior’s words to be true. We all must take up our crosses, whatever they may be, and follow Him. If we endure to the end, we shall have Eternal Life which is the greatest gift of all (See Doctrine and Covenants 14:7). Why would I want to deny anyone the opportunity for that gift by telling him or her that whatever lifestyle they choose is correct and acceptable when the Lord and His prophets have said that this is not so?

I am thankful that I personally heard and answered a prophet’s call. Make no mistake, the LDS Church did not write Proposition 8. The people of California did that. And the majority voted for and passed both Proposition 22 and Proposition 8. But when a prophet asked us to support Proposition 8 with our time and our money, my husband and I were happy to do so. We did not need to question if it were the right thing to do, because our testimonies were firmly planted in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and in His restored Church. We did not have to take a new look or assess if we needed to take a different stand, because we know that the Lord said in His own Preface to the Doctrine and Covenants, “Whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same” (See Doctrine and Covenants 1:38). We also realized that what the prophet asked us to do was in harmony with the gospel of Jesus Christ according to all the scriptures, with which we are familiar, and the voices of past prophets. 

Will we be asked to do the same thing again? I do not know. But I know that we will be asked to do things that are seemingly just as difficult or even much more difficult. Although many people of all different faiths made up the majority who voted in favor of Proposition 8 and who also donated money and time to this cause, many were offended with our Church’s involvement, among whom were members of our Church. (Some of these have used this issue to become disaffected from the Church and justify their choices to forsake their beliefs and disobey the commandments. Some now fight actively against Christianity altogether.) We need to make certain that the challenges of today do not have the power to make us feel conflicted too long, that they do not have the power to pull us away from the Savior. We have the choice to be humble and prayerful, to seek the Spirit and to remain faithful. 

What are all of us willing to do to make sure that we stay on the Lord’s side in these last days? What do you need to do personally? If you do not have a firm testimony of Jesus Christ, get one. Pray with all earnestness of heart. Read your scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon and the New Testament. Find out who Jesus is—He is your personal Savior and Redeemer; and He is mine. Once you know that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God, and that He atoned for you, pray to know that His restored Church is true. Pray to know that Joseph Smith was the prophet of the Restoration and that Thomas S. Monson is the Lord’s prophet today. Continue to study the Book of Mormon and the New Testament, and begin to read and understand the Doctrine and Covenants. As you read this book, you will hear the Lord’s voice, because it is His book (See Doctrine and Covenants 18:33-36). Talk to the Bishop, set goals with Him and make promises to your Heavenly Father. Partake of the Sacrament worthily each week. Truly strive to remember the Lord in all that you think, do, and say (and write). Keep the commandments. Stay close to the Spirit and heed His counsel and His warnings. Know that if something is not in harmony with the teachings of the Lord as found in the scriptures or from the words available through modern day prophets, then that thing is incorrect. Use the scriptures, the words of our prophets, and the Spirit of the Holy Ghost as your guide. Do not let lesser sympathies or misunderstandings take charge of who you are or what you can become or of who other people are and what they can become. The Lord is faithful, and great blessings and promises are in store for all of His children who are faithful. 

(Written 1-27-12)