Sometimes It's Good to Let Go

Sometimes It's Good to Let Go: Sunday Reflections

I look back on my life, and I have led a pretty good life. I have treated other people with kindness and given them the benefit of the doubt. I have made my mistakes, certainly, but I have done what I can to make things right and to seek forgiveness and be forgiving. I feel good about that.

There’s a lot of jealousy in this world, a lot of nit-picking and grudge-holding. Life is much too short for that. It seems like sometimes we must want someone else to pay for our hurts; and that is just so unnecessary, because Jesus has already done that. That’s a good thing to remember. Because Jesus paid for our mistakes already, we should be ready and willing, quickly and frequently, to not ask payment from anyone else, but to forgive those who we consider to be our debtors. We should stop keeping score and free each other.

We continually are meeting new people, making associations, and breaking connections, because we are moving, and learning and growing. Most of the time, the people I’ve been close to have stayed near and dear and close to my heart and I have to theirs as well. But time and distance do move us apart sometimes, both in life and in death. That’s okay. We know that our friendships and our family connections are intact, and when we see each other again, we’ll pick up right where we left off, and continue writing our story together.

But those other relationships, what about those? I mean the strained ones, those who are estranged from us. Sometimes, try as we might, things seem beyond repair. Even if we have love in our hearts, their philosophy may differ from ours. The best thing we can then do is take inventory of our own selves. Are we honest with ourselves and before the Lord? Have we done what is needful and necessary? Are we holding on to the good memories and keeping those alive, instead of festering our wounds? I have found it helpful to remember the good feelings associated with the memories of the good times had together in the past. If it is impossible for us to have a relationship currently, I can savor the past relationship in my memory and wait for the day when things may again be restored.

But I don’t have to force that. It’s a hard thing to accept our ability to be whole without the acceptance and approval of some people in our lives. But with the Lord, all things are possible. He is our help, our support, and our salvation. It is only through Him that we are ever made whole. So trusting in Him, in His timing, and in His loving care becomes the new focus of what is needful and necessary. You can’t make someone think highly of you, nor should you have to. And you don’t have to prove anyone wrong in order to feel right. That kind of right is pride. Being right with the Lord is a quiet humility, and something that I am going to diligently seek after.

These are my thoughts at the end of this Sabbath day. They have been helpful to me. I hope that they will be useful to someone else.

Have a good week. Have a good life!

Live with Gratitude: Both Giving and Taking

Live with Gratitude: Both Giving and Taking

Sometimes you can dish it out, but you just can't take it.

How are you at receiving compliments, at accepting praise? Does it cause you undo discomfort when the spotlight is turned to you? Do you soak it in with gratitude? Do you absorb it with pride? Or do you dismiss it in dismay?

Since I am one that is easily overwhelmed, positive attention is sometimes unwelcome, even though it might be very needed. I think that is true for many of us. We want recognition; but, at the same time, we don't want a fuss, nor do we want to feel overwhelmed by compliments that we feel we do not deserve.

Then there is the question of pride in the face of our religious beliefs or core values. If we accept praise, do we equate that with ownership for the good that we have done or the good that unfolds as a result of our actions? Do we question the motives behind the compliment, judging that the giver is insincere or looking for something in return? Do we acknowledge a compliment, understanding that we have been placed in a position to do something good, knowing that we are a small vehicle within a much greater movement of good?

I think that we need to understand that both giving praise and accepting praise are healthy actions and attitudes. Offering praise helps us develop hearts of gratitude, and that's always important. The first part of offering praise, for me, is acknowledging God's hand in all things. All our blessings, relationships, talents, and goodness spring from our Father who gave us life.

Praise God, From Whom All Blessings Flow

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;

Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heav'nly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Word: Thomas Ken; Music: Louis

Here is a scripture that came to mind in relationship to giving, which certainly can be applied to giving compliments and praise:

“Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of neccesity: for God loveth a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7).

I believe that we are encouraged to offer sincere praise, both to God and to our fellowmen. If God loves a cheerful giver, certainly He also loves a cheerful receiver.

Sometimes great people doing great things do not want recognition. But at some point, maybe even their humility might appear to be prideful. We are not all capable of doing the same things. The Lord gives us talents severally according to his will (See Gifts of the Spirit). Gifts are given at His discretion for the benefit of the Giver and the recipient. The recipient of God's gifts can then become a giver himself; in turn, the good that we do becomes a blessing to ourselves and to others. In our humility, we might not think that we are anything great or that the things that we do are noteworthy. Be we, as messengers of God, are involved in His goodness; and, when others are witnesses, it may be careless for us to consider their praise as folly and deny the greatness of the actions performed.

Selfless service, in today's world, is out of the norm. But for those who truly love God and neighbor, it is the ideal that we both seek and cherish. While I can understand someone being tired of receiving attention for the good that he does, we all must realize how wonderful it is to be a witness of selfless service. Since we have all been given different blessing and different capacities, the Spirit can guide us all in how we can serve and what our current missions are, if we are willing to ask our Father and listen for His voice.

There are so many opportunities for all of us to be Christ-like. When someone admires our Christ-like actions, maybe we need to step back and look at our own situation through an outsider's eyes. We might also be in awe; not of ourselves, but of what has been accomplished through the grace of God and the gifts He has given us. When we do so, we will be able to accept sincere compliments without arrogance, but joyfully. We will know that the glory goes to God who has given us the will and the moment-by-moment strength to keep going, even when we feel exhausted and inadequate.

When we can both separate ourselves from the glory and involve ourselves in the gratitude, we are in a good position to be a cheerful receiver. Sometimes this might be hard to do, because we are receiving praise when we are intimately aware of our own inadequacies and failures. Maybe we need more support from friends and family to help ease our burdens, and so the compliments we receive just come across as trite phrases. Maybe we resent the compliment because we desire the gift of time and service to help buoy us up in a current challenge. Maybe we even feel that we are a victim, doing much work that we believe others should also be doing. Sometimes, when we do not see our own growth and goodness, we find it difficult to accept what someone else is telling us, because we currently cannot see it. Then we need to develop some trust in the person who is offering praise, trust to accept the compliments with gratitude and trust to ask for help we may need. We really might not want praise because facing our own fears and inadequacies leaves us feeling exposed.

I am certainly glad that praise is part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that even Jesus asked, "Why callest thou me good? None is good, save one, that is, God" (Luke 18:19).

Not only was Jesus announcing His Messiahship, saying that since He is good, He is the Son of God; in this instance, as always, Jesus, as the King of Creation, deferred the glory to His Father. And yet, can you imagine how crumpled we would be if we didn't feel to praise Him and to offer Him our undying gratitude daily, minute-by-minute for His everlasting sacrifice for us?

I think we can all comprehend the importance of being amazed with God and His Son and in offering praise to Them. I think that we all can understand the importance of expressing gratitude to others, and we can acknowledge that there are times that we are in awe of the work that is being done. But can we understand and accept that it is also not just okay but appropriate to accept the praise of others? Instead of being less amazed, I think we should all be more amazed, not only with God, but with what we can and do accomplish as His children. 

With open eyes and hearts, it would be wonderful if we could all give and accept positive words of encouragement and praise. We should really all be more amazed with each other, all the time. We all have tasks that are not easy and challenges that are invisible to others. So it becomes us to accept words of encouragement and praise more graciously, letting those words boost us in the seemingly endless, thankless tasks that we all must perform on a daily basis. We need to become more like little children, who are humble and sincere. In them we witness perfect praise (See Matthew 21:16).

Let us all practice both giving and receiving praise sincerely and graciously. We can learn to accept words of encouragement for what they are, returning the glory to God, and helping others learn to do the same. He has called us to perform special missions. And He is amazing. The work which we do in His name and through His love is also amazing. His grace and His glory and His goodness endures forever! Even when we might feel weary of compliments, I believe that sincere praise from others is only a mere reflection of the love and gratitude they feel for the goodness and glory of God, in which they cannot yet recognize or find full expression. So we can feel gratitude for the goodness that others see in us, and in that goodness, find hope that we are helping others to see God's grace and seek His face.

Life is a wonderful blessing. Praise is a wonderful gift. We are involved in a marvelous work and a wonder! Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Not Everything is a Celebration!

Not Everything is a Celebration!

I am increasingly amazed and disturbed by the many people who want to celebrate their weaknesses as successes and encourage others to do so as well. Certainly, we have diverse characteristics and challenges. While we should be able to recognize the accomplishments of others and of ourselves, we should also be able to distinguish when we fall short. It is important to own our weaknesses as weaknesses, instead of boasting that they make us unique; this, in turn, can allow us the ability to recognize our need for the Lord’s help so that we can progress.



No, I am not going to provide a list of examples here; because, I do not want to feel the unleashed backlash from those who would say that I’m judgmental and that I am without feeling. Neither of these things would be true. But I believe that I am discerning in this matter, which is part of practicing good judgment. And as far as feeling, I believe that we all must be open to feeling some shame, so that we can be humble enough to rely on the Lord, who will then help us on our journey to higher ground.



All of us fall short of the glory of God (see Romas 3:23). No matter what our individual trials are, God wants us to measure up, trust in Him, and meet His expectations. Why? Because He is our loving Parent, and His paramount desire is for our happiness and joy and safety (see Moses 1:39). He is the Protectant of our eternal welfare. But even He cannot ensure our safety and deliverance from sin and our own carnal nature, if we abandon His design and ignore His commandments, seeking to pacify ourselves in our own shortcomings, while celebrating them as special needs.



We can make of our lives what we will at every turn with the help of the Holy Spirit and because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. But we need to acknowledge our dependence on the Lord; and when we fall, seek His help to lift us up again.



In today’s world, we see those who have similar challenges banding together and exercising pride in their togetherness of shared weaknesses. Instead of feeling some shame or uncertainty, which could cause them the necessary humility to initiate change, they believe that their togetherness will make them strong enough to offer endorsement to their struggle; as if their personal struggle is of more value than they are themselves.



But in doing so, they are claiming superiority of their need for sin or someone else’s need to sin. It seems that self-justification is highly prized, while self-evaluation is considered harmful. In the long run, the opposite is most definitely true; and, if we are honest, it is so even in the present. Change is not easy. But it is required if we want to follow Jesus.



There is purpose in the challenges that we face. The Lord has declared for what reason we have been given challenges. While the world would think that our challenges represent part of our eternal nature, it is not so. God wants better for us, and He has provided the way in His Son Jesus Christ.



Moroni, a Book of Mormon prophet was concerned about his weakness in writing. He thought that we Gentiles would mock his writings because of His weakness (see Ether 12:23).



Here is the Lord’s response (found in Ether 12:26-27):



26 And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying:


Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;



27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.



The issue of too much celebration is really an issue of too much pride. If we acknowledge our weaknesses and seek the Lord’s help in humility, He will bless us to overcome through Him and be made stronger to combat our challenges in His strength. Of necessity, this should promote more humility in our hearts, not pride, so that we can continue to approach Him and rely on Him for deliverance.

Sometimes we spend so much time turning to support groups that we forget to turn to the Lord. 


I feel like as a people we think that we have come so far, that we are much more enlightened than those of past generations and dispensations; but, I believe that Samuel the Lamanite is talking to us, as well as to the people of Nephi, when he said in Helaman 13:25-28:



25 And now when ye talk, ye say: If our days had been in the days of our fathers of old, we would not have slain the prophets; we would not have stoned them, and cast them out.



26 Behold ye are worse than they; for as the Lord liveth, if a prophet come among you and declareth unto you the word of the Lord, which testifieth of your sins and iniquities, ye are angry with him, and cast him out and seek all manner of ways to destroy him; yea, you will say that he is a false prophet, and that he is a sinner, and of the devil, because he testifieth that your deeds are evil.



27 But behold, if a man shall come among you and shall say: Do this, and there is no iniquity; do that and ye shall not suffer; yea, he will say: Walk after the pride of your own hearts; yea, walk after the pride of your eyes, and do whatsoever your heart desireth—and if a man shall come among you and say this, ye will receive him, and say that he is a prophet.



28 Yea, ye will lift him up, and ye will give unto him of your substance; ye will give unto him of your gold, and of your silver, and ye will clothe him with costly apparel; and because he speaketh flattering words unto you, and he saith that all is well, then ye will not find fault with him.



Can you see that when we spend our efforts being sympathetic to sin instead of sympathetic to the sinner that we are acting in opposition to the prophets of God? Can you see that when we engage in media expressions of pride that we our offering an endorsement to the activity and not to our individual brothers and sisters?



Can you see from these verses that if we encourage pride in sin that we are setting ourselves up as false prophets and helping the devil in his devices to destroy the rightful destiny of the children of God? I believe this is so even if our desired goal is to gain recognition of being empathetic instead of monetary gain. There are better ways to show our love and concern for each other than to endorse sin. I do not want to be accountable of so great a calamity. I would rather face the anger of the unjustified, prideful masses than face the righteous indignation of the wrath of God.



Our celebration should be in the Lord’s strength, not in our personal weaknesses. He who was tempted beyond measure, yet gave the devil no heed; He who overcame on our behalf, so that He can lift us up and help us overcome our personal struggles with sin; He who offered us life, and that more abundantly, if we turn to Him, trust in Him, love Him, and show that love by keeping His commandment; it is He whom we should celebrate.



We should celebrate Jesus. And in celebration of Jesus’s glorious accomplishment in overcoming sin, we can again celebrate when He helps us on our journey in overcoming our personal sins one step at a time and one day at a time. The celebration must never be in our own weaknesses, but in the Lord’s strength.

The Benefit of the Doubt

I believe that it is important to learn to give the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes we are so quick to judge others, even those closest to us, as a means to elevate ourselves by thinking belittling thoughts about them. How can such destructive behavior ever amount to anything constructive? It can't.

It is so much more profitable to show patience, not only in others (and what they do and say), but in our reacting to them. Pausing, to give ourselves processing time is a wise choice. We do not need to allow first impressions of anyone or any event mar our overall ability to perceive clearly. Often if we seek clarification, we are pleasantly surprised that we are all nearly on the same page after all. And it's important to not hastily spread any early doubts to another's detriment or even to our own.

Communication takes effort, but it is well worth it, in avoiding misunderstandings and judgments that leave hurts and scars that can take days or even years to heal. Pride has a way of making us hold unto our hurts in justification of our own rightness and in seeking to prove how much we have been wronged. And often this destructive cycle begins with a small infraction, a miscommunication, or a breach in understanding. Instead of being quick to take offense, we should extend to each other the benefit of the doubt.

How has giving others the benefit of the doubt changed your perspective or blessed your life? How has doing so preserved a friendship?

How has someone extending to you the benefit of the doubt affected you?

Ungrateful Valedictorian

http://burst.to/1Ny

Heather posted the following link:

Valedictorian's Speech (uploaded 5 August 2010)

And she posed this question:Which is more important: school or learning?

I thought that this girl's speech was really improper for the setting, so I posted some remarks.

Also, can't school and learning be synonymous?

My comment: What an ingrate.Two of my children were Valedictorians, and I am certainly glad that they didn't display such arrogancy and self-centeredness. Does public education need reform? Certainly. But her speech was totally out of line and inappropriate for the setting.

Anna: I thought she was wonderful and gave a very well thought out speech that came from her heart! How brave of her to speak her mind and try to make a difference!

Mark: I find it very interesting that this young lady was educated enough to articulate so wittingly and well in a system that she was condemning. Her speech seemed to express a sort of disappointment with a degree of influence from an outside source. Everybody knows that the public school system is an institution designed to educate a wide range of students with varying I.Q.’s., Though not perfect, the public school system has a better track record than home schooling. Yes, there are the occasional exceptions but in general more students by percentage attend Harvard or Princeton after public school than that of home schooling students. Having seven children I have noticed a big change over the years with public school in that they have become more flexible and dynamic in there course study, giving students a wide range of class option as opposed to when I attended. Nothing is perfect, but I think we would have a better chance of finding a teacher in the field of interest at the public school as opposed to home schooling with only two choices, mom or dad. Not to mention the interpersonal skills attained interacting with other classmates and teachers. Just a thought.

Anna: Homeschooling is never limited to two choices. There are no limits to education when homeschooling. The teachers do not have to be living under your roof. They can be acquired by many different avenues. You can go right to a professional in any subject. The education can be tailored to the student, no matter what subject or interest. It's just to difficult to give such an education in a public school setting. Homeschoolers have tons of opportunities to socialize! With their peers and all ages alike in unlimited situations. I had the delight of both styles of education growing up. Just so happens, I was completely bored in high school public education.

My comment: This was a student who attained high academic achievement. I don't care how bright she is, or how well-thought out her speech, or even if she was bored. What a slap in the face to the many teachers over the many years who helped her attain her goal, and I guarantee it was her goal. So essentially she despises herself for "playing the game."

A Valedictorian speech is supposed to be a congratulations to the student body and a bright look to the future. Her speech really missed the mark. Graduation is not the time or the place to voice what you think education's ills are. She sounded like a spoiled brat to me.

Mark, four of my children attended public school, and so did their parents. I have been home schooing our youngest using an on-line public charter school. I think that accountability and structure are vitally important no matter what system is chosen. Also, for our family, the second main advantage to home schooling is to give our child a cutting edge in this ever increasingly competitive world. That definitely means that we excpect her to meet and exceed high standards. Our first reason is so that we have control over our family time and can teach the values that we think are important, and so that she doesn't have hours of homework beyond the school day.

Anna, no matter how many homeschooling families say that their children get plenty of socialization, it is not the same as being in a classroom setting day after day and having the benefit of group discussions and interaction. Teachers are really not there to entertain, but hopefully to teach.

Educational models have really improved. We live in exciting times when there are so many choices. I hope that this girl's poor attitude will not cut her off from any of these choices. If I were on a panel to interview her for scholarships or acceptance into a particular field of study, I would not hestitate to dismiss her readily if she displayed the same cockiness and ingratitude as shown in her speech.

I know that she was trying to embarrass the educators at the school she attended, but she was happy to use them to accomplish her goals. She's young. I'm hoping that gratitude becomes part of her nature and vocabulary in the future. Hard knocks usually offer assistance for that.

Jennifer: Heidi ..you saying "I don't care" says it all...just stop there; you don't have to say anything else, and we got it...thank you for your lack of understanding..you are the issue I have with most "standardized" people..

My Comment: Jennifer, I care deeply about education. But I will stick by my sentiments that she picked the wrong time and place to express what she did. As for lack of understanding, education would be much better if everyone tried to understand each other more and communicated more appropriately. In the past, there was the network of family, church, and school all working together for a common good. There is distrust at almost every corner now. But posting "my way is better than yours" is never going to help anyone. There are so many avenues to choose from, and as parents we have the right to choose what we think is most appropriate for our children. I'm sorry that you think you know me so well, that you feel to express animosity towards me and call me a part of your labeled group: standardized people.

I certainly do believe in standards. Whether or not you agree with the public school systems standards, I'm hoping you believe in standards, too. They help us set goals and give us direction. There are religious standards; parents set standards for their children; if you are involved in sports, you must follow rules and live up to standards. In the workplace, you must meet standards, or you are out of a job. Standards should be individualized according to a person's ability, certainly. But to take away standards is basically saying, I don't believe in you or your abilities to achieve your goals.

(I was going through my blog and found this draft and decided to publish it after all.)